Never Been Drunk
by scarlettmitchell1995
Summary: After Lily's father dies she is left struggling to cope and takes her grief out on an already fragile Alicia. Will unexpected love affairs be exactly what they need or will Connie have to get both girls through on her own?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

It was 9pm and Lily was preparing for the night shift. A day of deep sleep followed by sudden, jagged wakefulness had left her exhausted and, even she realised, not at her best. It wasn't fair, she needed to be on form and she had tried to deal with her grief. She had approached it methodically, clinically, starting with a diagnosis. But once she had diagnosed grief she faltered and then fell face first into a lack of self-awareness. Lily has, she realised, flung on ambition as if she were covering an ugly outfit with a stylish coat and now her father's death had ripped off the buttons.

What was underneath she couldn't understand. She had a vague idea of herself, of a cruel and jealous little girl staring out of a pretty, clever doctor. A vague idea of disguising maliciousness as drive and bitterness as ambition. Of lying to herself and fooling nobody.

By the time Lily left the house she was already late. It had taken her too long to decide what to wear. Ridiculous, she knew, but nothing had looked right. Even the expensive silk blouse and skinny black trousers with impractical heels didn't make her look like Connie, like someone who could run an emergency department. She looked like a child in her mother's clothes. Tripping into her car, unsteady in the heels, Lily shivered realising that the brisk cold of November had wound its way inside during the day. Starting up the engine she turned the radio on and was in the hospital car park before it even occurred to her that maybe she should have called in sick.

It was a quiet shift, Wednesday night's tended to be reasonably peaceful. Lily supposed it was a good thing. Better to be told by Alicia that she had missed a mild concussion than a traumatic brain injury. Sitting alone in the on call room, though, she didn't think she had ever felt worse. It was bad enough that grief was crippling her emotionally; she didn't need a crippled career as well. Lying back Lily faced the wall as she tried to compose herself. A patient presents with a severe asthma attack, what would she do? Use the severity assessment table to choose the correct treatment pathway. Measure and record the peak flow, pulse rate, pulse oximetry. Had her father been proud of her? No, what had she missed? She needed to check arterial blood gasses and capillary blood gases if they were available. And then what? Check the levels of increasing symptoms. She had done all of this to make him proud, sprinted through her career, hurtling towards the day she would become a consultant. And then he had died. Check the amount of reliever use prior to presentation. All that pressure, all those times he had told her to make him proud. And he hadn't bothered to stay alive to see her do it. He never gave her the chance. Check the use of accessory muscles.

'Lily. Lily you need to wake up.'

Typical. Alicia. Lily sat up to see her mentee nervously waiting just out of reach as if she expected a physical assault rather than a verbal one.

'What mistake do you need me to fix for you this time?'

Alicia widened her eyes in shock and Lily wondered if she still believed in Santa Clause. She'd never last in an Emergency Department. Probably not as a doctor either, frankly Lily would be surprised if she graduated.

'No it's…. it's not me. You've overslept. Everyone's been looking for you like an hour. Mrs Beauchamp's going mental.'

'What?' Lily scrabbled to the edge of the bed and onto the floor. 'That simply isn't possible. I set my alarm.'

Alesha stood awkwardly watching as Lily checked and double checked her phone. Her confusion would have been funny if she didn't look like she was going to cry.

'I mean I'm sure it's fine. Like I'm sure Mrs Beauchamp will understand if you explain you overslept. She wants to see you though, by the way, straight away in her office.'

Lily burst into tears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

 **New update! I hope you like it! I'm new to this so please read and leave a review. Feedback and constructive criticism very welcome! Thanks –S-**

Lily knocked on the door of Connie's office, mascara reapplied and fully composed. To lose control in front of Alicia was appalling enough but for Connie to see she had been crying was a situation too horrible to think about.

'Come in.'

Connie continued to write as Lily slipped inside, desperately trying to look confident. Hands by her sides she felt herself gripping the fabric of her trousers as Connie looked up, measuring the situation calmly.

'So. Lily. Where have you been?'

Lily looked her firmly in the eye, determined to give the Clinical Lead an unflinching apology.

'I am very sorry Mrs Beauchamp. I appear to have fallen asleep in the on call room and missed my alarm. I have no excuses.'

Sighing, Connie looked down at her desk and then back up at Lily raising her eyebrows.

'Thank you for your honesty, Dr Chao,' she said carefully. 'Do you think you are able to get back to work?'

Lily felt almost nauseous from relief and her hands gradually relaxed until they were limply dangling. She was almost certain Connie must be able to hear her anxiety; her body seemed to be rattling with tightly restricted emotion. Focussing on keeping her voice level, Lily looked her directly in the eye and said:

'Mrs Beauchamp I can assure that I am thoroughly capable of working today. There will not be a repeat of my actions this morning.'

Connie nodded, 'Ok. Good.' She picked up her pen and glanced back at her paperwork as Lily to leave before having a sudden and entirely unexpected change of heart. 'Actually Lily, wait.'

Lily turned back to her swallowing hard. She had expected Connie too be furious, if Alicia had slept an hour into her shift she would have been on the phone to her university within minutes. And she, Lily, was a registrar. Her performance this week had been unforgivably poor; God only knew how she would make up for it. But then again, what it matter really matter these days? Her immense drive had stemmed from desperation to impress her father and now that her main focus was gone Lily felt drained, like somebody had run her dry.

'Lily, you've…you've had a tough week. Come on, sit down and we'll have a little chat.'

Looking at Connie Lily hesitated until she got up from behind her desk and came round, pushing her door shut as she gestured towards the couch. Lily took a seat, perching awkwardly on the very edge as the Clinical Lead came and sat down next to her.

'So,' Connie said gently, trying to inject her tone with approachability rather than intimidation, 'what's going on in that head of yours, eh?'

Lily pursed her lips, fear of crying climbing up her throat as she realised that she wasn't getting away. She scratched lightly at the edge of the leather with the hand furthest away from Connie as she forced herself to hold on to her composure.

'Mrs Beauchamp I can assure you that my head is completely clear,' Lily said doggedly, 'I understand that the incident this morning may have left me looking less than reliable but if you let me get back to my shift I can assure you I will be at my best.'

Connie sighed and looked Lily directly in the eye, 'Lily all I'm saying is that sometime we all have to ask for help, even when we don't want to.'

Taking a moment to steady her voice Lily said, 'I do not need to ask for help, I just need to get on with my work.'

Reaching over Connie tentatively rubbed the back of Lily's hand.

'Ok,' she said leaning back as Lily stood to go. 'Fine, Lily. Just…. You know where I am.'


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

 **Hi everyone! Sorry it took such a long time for me to update, in my defence this is a really long chapter. Hopefully I'll get the next one up more quickly and so that you know it will focus on Lily and Connie with Ethan making an appearance. Please take the time to read and leave a review, it means the world.**

Alicia inspected her patient carefully, face uncomfortably close to the creased, ninety year old foot. Almost certainly broken. She would need to order an X-ray but the symptoms were text book and other than the break Mr Hardwick was in phenomenally good health. Which was a good thing to be honest, since Lily still hadn't emerged from Mrs Beauchamp's office. Not that Alicia minded being allowed to treat a patient on her own and, even though it went against her better nature, she was relieved to be able to work away from Lily's unwavering criticism. Carefully writing up his notes Alicia glanced up at her patient.

'So, we'll get this break seen to and then you'll be absolutely fine,' she said. 'Just let this be the last time I hear that you've been climbing on tables.'

Mr Hardwick looked up at her, face puckered with determination. 'There was no other way to get to the smoke alarm. It was making such a racket. I didn't want it to disturb the neighbours, I thought I'd just climb up and take it down and then I just lost my balance. It was a simple accident; make sure you write that down please, it could have happened to anybody.'

Alicia put the notes down and gave Mr Hardwick her full attention. 'The only way to get it down? Why didn't you call your son? Nurse Miller's just given him a ring for you like you said.'

He glared at Alicia. She knew that look. It was a decrepit version of the expression on Lily's face when she was talking too much, the expression that said shut up louder than if she had yelled it. Going back to the notes she pressed her lips together, deciding Mr Hardwick would prefer it if she kept the conversation to a bare minimum, and wrote a small note at the bottom of the page. **Suspect adequate support is not in place.**

Alicia had finished her initial assessment and ordered an Xray by the time Lily returned to work, any streak of emotion imperceptible. Pleased with herself she began to list of Mr Hardwick's medical history and the results of his pain assessment. She had nearly finished before Lily seemed to come to herself and an eyebrow went up, an immediate indicator of displeasure.

'Dr Munroe may I ask why you saw fit to assess a patient without myself or another doctor present?'

Alicia blinked at Lily in surprise and then wondered why she had expected anything other than antipathy.

'Well you weren't here and you know…. I could tell it was a break right away so I just thought….'

'You just thought what? That you would put the health of a patient at risk so that you could show off?'

Alicia said nothing, eyes wide, trying to work out whether she should be sorry or angry or defensive. Mr Hardwick, on the other hand, seemed to have summed up the situation to his satisfaction.

'So she shouldn't be treating me? What the hell is going on here? Is she even a doctor?' His voice was rising steadily with indignation and Alicia looked around surreptitiously, praying nobody else was paying them any attention.

'Dr Munroe is a medical student,' Lily said, obviously gratified by the reaction she had provoked. 'She should not have been treating you without a qualified doctor present. Please rest assured that I will be reporting her behaviour to management.'

'And I'll be making a formal complaint.'

Horror slapped Alicia, momentarily stunning her as she saw heard the mewling cries of her new-born career abruptly cut short. She turned to Lily and was shocked to see that the registrar looked as horrified as she did. This was obviously an unexpected response; Lily had clearly never intended to get Mrs Beauchamp involved in the situation.

'I really do apologise. I never meant….' Alicia was cut short as the curtains were pushed open and Connie entered the cubicle. From Lily's expression it was clear she was wondering how long the clinical lead had been outside.

'What's going on in here?' she asked, looking expectantly at Lily. When there was no response she raised an eyebrow, somehow defining sarcasm in a facial expression. 'Well I take it Dr Munroe is apologising for something?'

'Yes, Mr Beauchamp.' Lily said, pulling herself together. 'Dr Munroe saw fit to examine and diagnose Mr Hardwick without consulting a more senior member of staff. I raised the issue and the patient is understandably upset by the lack of due care.'

Connie nodded slowly and glanced at Alicia, clearly dissecting the situation with her usual clinical precision. 'And did Dr Munroe come to the correct diagnosis?'

'Yes,' Lily admitted with more than a little reluctance. 'Yes she did but…'

'And recommend the correct course of action?'

'Yes.' Lily said, now obviously furious. 'But Mrs Beauchamp I am sure you see…'

'That there isn't a problem here? Yes that is perfectly clear, thank you Dr Chao.'

Alicia visibly relaxed as Lily looked down at the floor and Connie stepped around them both to reach Mr Hardwick.

'I'm terribly sorry about this incident,' she said calmly. 'Dr Munroe will continue to treat you and I will send another of my doctors in to supervise. Do let her know if there is anything at all you need.'

To Alicia's surprise Lily did not object to being so abruptly dismissed and allowed Connie to guide her out of the cubicle, hand resting gently on her back. As she left the clinical lead turned to Alicia.

'Dr Chao won't be available to support you today Alicia. I'll arrange for Dr Knight to act as your mentor for the rest of the shift.'

'So I heard Lily went crazy and tried to ruin your life this morning?' Cal said, leaning across the nurse's station as he read Mr Hardwick's notes.

Alicia glared at him and rolled her eyes. 'She's just having a hard time. I mean her dad's just died, give her a break, I'd be in pieces.'

Cal nudged her shoulder conspiratorially. 'Yeah, well, you have a soul.'

Alicia scowled, her normally endless patience threadbare in less than a minute, and snatched the file out of his hands.

'Look maybe we should focus on the patient. I'm worried about him.'

Cal shrugged. 'Nothing to worry about. It's a pretty nasty break so it'll need some pins. Ortho can handle it from here.'

'No, I mean I'm worried about what'll happen when he gets home. I don't think he's got anyone helping him? Maybe we should mention it to Ortho so they know when they draw up his care plan?'

'I think you need to relax Dr Munroe. I've been speaking to his son, he's just arrived and apparently he lives on the next street to his dad. He said he visits him every day.'

'Really?' Alicia said, innocently bemused. 'Why didn't he tell me that then?'

Cal shrugged, 'No idea. Tell you what, go and have a chat with him. I'll say you're chasing test results or something if anyone asks.'

'Are you sure that's ok? Dr Chao always says…'

Cal grinned, 'Dr Chao doesn't want to take you for a drink after work.'

Alicia's oblivion suddenly shattered and she became upsettingly aware of the reality of the past few minutes. Cal was classically handsome but he didn't flirt with facial expressions or tone of voice. He did it all with his eyes. Every flicker, every darting movement, every slightly narrowed glance was suggestive, they spoke for him. 'Come on. I know I'm irresistible. So do you. Take your chance before I get bored, before you're not new anymore. You don't want to miss out on Caleb Knight.'

'Go to hell.'

Mr Hardwick was as unforthcoming as Alicia had expected, it took her ten minutes of stubborn pestering to get half a sentence out of him. What was clear was that he was ferociously independent, vehemently private and convinced that every doctor in Holby was hell bent on getting him into a home.

'But why would we want to?' Alicia asked. 'You've got your son just down the road, he obviously wants to help you.'

He pursed his lips, pre prepared lines rehearsed and ready. 'I didn't raise my son the way I did, get him a damn good education so that he could be my carer. I'm fit as a fiddle thank you very much and I intend to stay that way until I die as quietly and inconveniently as possible.'

Alicia was slightly taken a back and not a little impressed by his sheer determination. She admired conviction even if it was bordering on wilful blindness, especially in a man of an age where most people had given up on it.

'Look,' she said, trying to sound as reasonable as possible. 'No-one's asking him to be with him 24/7. Just, you know, next time the smoke alarm goes off give him a bell.'

'I'm perfectly capable…'

'You're in hospital,' Alicia said, cutting him off with surprising firmness. 'Look the last thing I want to do is upset you but…'

'No buts. If you don't want to upset me stop talking.'

' _But_ they're going to have write you up a care plan before they discharge you and if you say there's no one at home they won't be able to let you go. Look, I just want to help, and your son _really_ cares about you. All I'm saying is that maybe you should just let him'

Alicia took a step back in preparation for the inevitable angry tirade but instead Mr Hardwick just sat, propped against the pillows, glare unwavering until the silence began to make Alicia nervous.

'Um…so….I'll just'

'Bloody well send him in then.'

Alicia paused for a moment in surprise then beamed and turned to leave the cubicle as Mr Hardwick called her back. 'Since you're so chock full of advice, I'll give you some. You shouldn't have been so rude to that nice young man outside. I'm not deaf yet you know.'

Alicia looked directly into the unrelenting, dying eyes. 'Trust me. I've had my heart broken too many times by a man like him.'


End file.
